55 Flips Finger At Father Time For Fresh Fit 500 On Friday

Old man Mark Martin was the fastest man in Phoenix on Friday afternoon claiming the pole for the Subway Fresh Fit 500 to be ran on Sunday afternoon. Martin was noticeably happy in the post qualifying press conference. Shortly afterwards though, the old man was not near as happy when he realized that his adult diaper was loaded to the brim. Thankfully his sponsor, Aaron's Rent to Own was willing to rent Martin a shop vac and pressure washer.

Here are your starting picks and points from qualifying.
Brent 48, 55, 51, 29=37
Joe 48, 55, 42, 29=37
Michael 11, 18, 51, 48=33
Freddy 48, 18, 42, 11=33
PT 48, 18, 42, 20=32
Dennis 48, 20, 42, 18=32
Terry 5, 99, 42, 55=30
Neil 5, 99, 42, 48=28
Chuck 11, 18, 42, 20=27
Toby 2, 20, 42, 24=23
Jim 29, 20, 42, 2=21
Norb 11, 18, 42, 99=21

The top 15 in qualifying were: 55, 5, 48, 18, 24, 14, 29, 11, 20, 39, 2, 17, 15, 56, 99.

NASCAR is returning to the scene of the crime. This is the track that started the Clint Bowyer VS Jeff Gordon feud last November. Who can forget Bowyer running down pit row to confront Gordon.

Bowyer was never really able to get to Gordon. So during the offseason, Bowyer committed himself to a fitness routine to help him to be able to catch Jeff Gordon when Gordon least expected it.

First he tried training with Usain Boldt. Bowyer can be seen in row 3. It looks as if he is leading but looks can be deceiving. Bowyer had a 50 meter head start. After finishing dead last in the 100 meter dash, Bowyer thought that maybe he should train for distance instead of speed.

Well that tactic was also unsuccessful. So Bowyer decided he would become a master of disguise.

His first idea was to pose as a large breasted waitress. Fail!

 This may well have been the worst idea. Dress up like an Indian and try to shoot Gordon with an arrow. Unfortunatley, the arrow accidentally hit Dale Jr. in the rear end. Earnhardt mistakenly thought that Bowyer was dressed as cupid and had intentionally hit him with the arrow. Dale Earnhardt is planning a Spring wedding. Bowyer just doesn't know it yet.

In the words of Charlie Daniels, "he may look dumb but that's just a disguise." Bowyer gave up on the disguises. Next he took up boxing. This idea ended badly when it was discovered that Clint Bowyer couldn't beat the crap out of his own underwear.

As you can now see, he is desperate. He isn't fast enough to run and catch Gordon so he is practicing using a tire dolly as a scooter. Good luck Mr. Bowyer. You"re gonna need it!!!