Fontana's Furious Finish

Kyle Busch was able to avoid the mayhem and win the NASCAR race at Fontana this past weekend. As Joey Logano and Denny Hamlin played bumper cars, Busch swerved to avoid contact and cruised to victory. As you know, Hamlin slammed head first into the inside retaining wall and suffered a broken vertebrae in the lumbar region of his back. It is estimated to be at least a 6 to 10 week recovery process. Even then, who is to say if he will be able to drive. I would think that sitting in a hot race care for 3 to 4 hours and fighting the G forces that are exerted on the drivers, will be hard to face.

I tried to put something on the blog, but couldnt figure out how to do it. So I am emailing all of you something special. It's more proof that, with the exception of Eminem, white mean can't rap.

Now the question is who will drive the 11 car for the foreseeable future? The most obvious answer would be Elliott Sadler. He already drives for Joe Gibbs in the Nationwide Series and has plenty of Sprint Cup experience. The other possibility would be for Brian Vickers to drive the 11 car. He too like Sadler has plenty of experience, but he is already committed to run some Sprint Cup races with Michael Waltrip racing. Needless to say, Denny Hamlin's hopes to win the championship is lost.

The other excitement was the confrontation between Tony Stewart and Logano after the race.

Stewart was upset because Joey Logano blocked him on the final restart. Now I am a Stewart fan, but wasn't it just 6 months ago that Stewart caused a 20 car wreck at the end of the Talladega race while putting a block on someone? Here is a compilation of the best of Tony Stewart.

There are dozens of other examples but I think you get the picture.

Okay there is no race this weekend. NASCAR is off for Easter. The next race will be at Martinsville a week from Sunday. I will let you know later when I need your picks. Here are the results and standings.

Chuck 195, Freddy 181, Michael 169, Brent 164, Joe 162, Jim 161, Toby 149, Neil 142, Dennis 142, PT 141, Norb 138, Terry 127

Chuck 861, Jim 827, Brent 825, Michael 805, Freddy 792, Joe 784, Neil 780, Dennis 759, PT 758, Norb 756, Toby 731, Terry 727

Qualifying

As you know, it takes me hours and hours of research each week to find the perfect pictures to post on the blog. As you can imagine, that kind of in depth research can have a negative impact on a computer. Well needless to say, my computer has crashed. So for the time being, I will be using my 9 year old daughters computer. Therefore my pictures and posts won't be near as entertaining as usual. I should say the pictures won't be as entertaining but my commentary will be just as perverted. Here are the qualifying results.

Toby-11, 20, 10, 14=34
Neil-2, 18, 42, 15=32
PT-14, 20, 42, 56=32
Jim-14, 18, 42, 29=26
Chuck-48, 18, 51, 20=23
Joe-48, 18, 42, 29=18
Dennis-5, 20, 51, 55=18
Brent-48, 18, 42, 5=16
Michael-88, 18, 51, 15=16
Norb-5, 1, 51, 2=13
Freddy-48, 18, 51, 5=12
Terry-48, 9, 51, 88=1

Kahne Conquers Concrete

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Bristol Qualifying

Best Bush at Bristol!

 

I am soooo sorry about that. Wrong picture and caption. What I meant was...

 

 

 

Busch Best at Bristol!

 

 

Kyle Busch set a new track record during qualifying for Sunday's Food City 500 at Bristol Motor Speedway. Actually the next three qualifiers also turned laps that were under the old record. On Sunday, the combination of cool weather and a good tire compound from Goodyear should mean some fast racing. Speaking of weather, the forecast for Bristol calls for a chance of rain on Sunday afternoon. That is the chance you take when you schedule a race in March in the Appalachian Mountains.

 

I have a little music history lesson for you today concerning Bristol, TN. Many historians consider Bristol to be the birthplace of Country music. The Carter family, considered to be the first family of Country music, lived in the hills surrounding Bristol. This is the same Carter family that would go on to be Johnny Cash's in-laws. Anyway, there was a primitive recording studio in Bristol, one of the first in the nation outside of New York and L.A., and the few times a year that the Carter's would come to town to puchase supplies for making moonshine, they would bring their instruments and record a few songs. Thus the birth of Country music. The studio is now a museum. Don't ask me why I know this stuff, I just do and thought I would pass on my vast knowledge to you. Now back to NASCAR.

 

Here are your qualifying results:

Dennis 2, 18, 42, 11=37

Michael 2, 55, 42, 18=36

Norb 11, 18, 42, 56=35

Neil 48, 18, 42, 11=31

Jim 48, 55, 42, 5=29

Chuck 48, 18, 42, 2=27

Joe 2, 18, 42, 48=27

PT 2, 55, 42, 15=21

Freddy 48, 18, 32, 29=18

Brent 2, 20, 51, 18=15

Terry 88, 18, 10, 16=15

Toby 2, 20, 42, 24=14

 

The top 15 qualifiers were 18, 5, 11, 55, 27, 1, 2, 14, 56, 22, 24, 20, 48, 38, 13

 

It was something of a miracle that Kyle Busch was able to turn such a fast lap considering his medical condition.

As you can see from his expression, Kyle was suffering as he sat in his car waiting to run his lap. He had a wicked case of hemorrhoids. After turning his fast lap, a hidden camera caught Kyle's reaction.

This wasn't his reaction for winning the pole. This was his reaction for accidentally grabbing the tube of Icy Hot instead of the tube of Preparation H.

 

This is such a nice St. Patrick's Day photo of the Busch brothers and their wives. Kyle and Kurt are obviously happy about having these surgically enhanced women in their lives. Who wouldnt be?

 It appears that the girls really love their men. Observe how they have their arms wrapped around them. Looks are deceiving. What you can't see is the fact that the girls are actually checking the guys wallets to make sure that they are full. I mean really. Have you ever looked closely and the Busch brothers. When their wives tell them they need to put a bag on their heads they ain't talkin about condoms. They mean it. "Put a bag on your butt ugly heads."   

 

 







Kenseth Tire Gamble Pays Off

Kasey Kahne seemed to have the fastest car on Sunday, that is until a late caution and a gutsy call by the Dollar General Team. Where most drivers including Kahe took fuel and two tires, the 20 team took fuel only to gain track position. That gamble proved to be a stroke of genius...or luck. Kenseth was able to hold off the 5 car of Kasey Kahne and cruise into victory lane.

The Gen 6 cars seemed to be racier on the mile and a half track at Vegas than they did at the super speedway at Daytona and the fairly flat track at Phoenix. Cars were able to run different grooves and actually pass each other. As the teams start to get a better handle on the new cars, the racing will get better. The series moves on to the high banks of Bristol on Sunday. I don't think the new cars will have much of an effect on the racing at Bristol. Hopefully it will be down and dirty, old time short track racing.

I still have some things to complain about regarding all of the mile and a half tracks. It is pretty boring. 70 laps into the race there were only 16 or 17 cars on the lead lap. If it weren't for the convoluted wave around rule, there would have been only 10 to 12 cars on the lead lap at the end of the race. NASCAR has to figure out a "racing" way to remedy that problem. Not a goofy ass wave around rule. Some of the brightest engineers in the country work at NASCAR and surely someone can come up with a mechanical solution. We can put a man on the moon for God's sakes. Let me rephrase that. We used to be able to put a man on the moon. So come on smart guys, figure it out.

Here are the results for the weekend at Vegas and the updated standings.

Week-Norb 191, Brent 188, Toby 180, Dennis 180, Freddy 176 (hope those dollar bills came in handy) Joe 172, PT 166, Jim 162, Chuck 161, Michael 161, Neil 150, Terry 150

Segment-Chuck 502, Jim 492, Brent 491, Neil 489, Toby 475, Freddy 463, Joe 458, Norb 455, PT 449, Michael 449, Dennis 442, Terry 439. I am kind of sucking this year. Guess I am gonna have to start cheating again.

This weekend's race is at Bristol on Sunday. Qualifying is Friday at 2:30 so I need your picks in by 2 P.M. on Friday.

I found some revealing photos of Matt Kenseth. Apparently the big money contract he signed with Joe Gibbs Racing has went to his head.

The first notable change was in his body. Obviously he has hired a professional trainer to get those rock hard abs. He is from Wisconsin and guys from Wisconsin are usually carrying a keg around there waists. Not a six pack.

Next Kenseth went out and got all tatted up. He thought it would make him more hip with the youngsters.

Then came the visit to the stylist. New clothes, new haircut, new attitude. It really is ashame that he has changed and forgotten about all the little people. Like the shoppers of Dollar General. They are the people responsible for getting him where he is today. Becaue of these hard working folks, Kenseth has a sponsor for his race car. Maybe Kenseth should reflect for a moment and remember the folks that support him.

 Like this poor lady shopping for toilet paper. Or this plump honey desparetly search for clothes that fit.

 

 

 



Kenseth has this poor lady singing the blues. He has even driven this poor DG shopper to the bottle.

Matt's questionable behavior has even had a negative effect on wildlife. Just look what it has done to this big cat. And this poor lady's health has suffered. She is struggling to find some Malox to settle her intestines.

It has even taken a toll on some Dollar General Employees. This DG Santa was so depressed that he began self medicating.

This shopper has developed itchy hives from her constant worrying.

It takes a special kind of man to shop at DG and Kenseth needs to remember that. Look at this true American hero. God bless America.

I think you get my point. Matt you need to come back to the people that love and support you. We loved you just the way you were.

That common man sitting on his porch enjoying an ice cold Old Style. That's who you really are. Be that man. Lastly, Americans love a man who's not afraid of playing with pussy.

Rain Rain Go Away

Rain put a damper on all on track activity at Las Vegas on Friday. Practice and qualifying were both cancelled. In accordance with the rules of NASCAR, if practice and qualifying are both rained out for the first five races of the season, the starting lineup is determined by the previous year's final point standings. After the first five races of the season, the lineup is determined by the current standings for that season. Now there were cars on the track on Thursday but NASCAR deemed that a "test session," not a practice session. So the top 15 in qualifying were 2, 15, 48, 5, 16, 11, 17, 29, 14, 24, 56, 88, 18, 39 and 55. The points from qualifying are as follows:

Chuck 48, 99, 51, 15=27
Brent 48, 20, 42, 16=24
Freddy 48, 18, 21, 29=24
PT 16, 99, 21, 48=24
Jim 48, 18, 83, 14=23
Norb 2, 20, 21, 14=22
Toby 2, 20, 42, 24=21
Joe 48, 99, 42, 14=20
Michael 16, 99, 42, 29=19
Terry 88, 18, 10, 16=18
Neil 14, 18, 42, 24=16
Dennis 29, 20, 42, 99=8

On the bright side, there are plenty of things to do in Vegas if it is raining. If you are series champ Brad Keselowski, you can hang out with free hot girls.

If you aren't series champ Brad Keselowski but still have plenty of cash to spend, you could pass some time at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch.

If you aren't series champ Brad Keselowski and you have very little money to spend, you can hang with the street tramps.

If you aren't series champ Brad Keselowski but you are series never gonna be champ Dale Earnhardt, you can hang out with your homos...I mean home boys.

If you like the rain in Vegas, you could go to Rain Nightclub and make someone wet.

If worse comes to worse, you could always go to a show.

I guess those things they are wearing are called head pieces. I don't why they call them head pieces. It seems to me that they would get in the way. They should call them no head pieces.

Edwards Flips For Phoenix

Carl Edwards finally returns to victory lane. His win in the Subway Fresh Fit 500 was his first victory since the early part of the 2011 season and now the monkey is off his back. The win should restore his confidence and this team could be ready to contend for the Sprint Cup Championship.

 

Carl's wife, Kate is all smiles after the race. Carl told her he that to celebrate he would slip  her a  big foot long.

 

 



Kate was not as happy when she found out that the foot long was really only a 6 inch.

Here is an interesting fact that you may not know about Carl Edwards. His father was Mr. Ed. You can really see the resemblance.

Here are the results for the race and the standings for the segment and the year.

Week-Neil 203, Norb 190, Michael 187, Freddy 187, Terry 186, Toby 185, Brent 184, Joe 183, PT 182, Dennis 182, Jim 179, Chuck 175

Segment-Chuck 341, Neil 339, Jim 330, Brent 303, Toby 295, Terry 289, Michael 288, Freddy 287, Joe 286, PT 283, Norb 264, Denni 262

This week's race is at Vegas on Sunday. Qualifying is Friday at 2:40 P.M. therefore I will need your picks by 2 P.M. on Friday.

This is Jared Fogle. He is the spokesman for Subway who lost 245 by including Subway in his diet along with excersise. What many of you may not know is that before getting healthy, Jared was an actor. Here are some of his best scenes.

55 Flips Finger At Father Time For Fresh Fit 500 On Friday

Old man Mark Martin was the fastest man in Phoenix on Friday afternoon claiming the pole for the Subway Fresh Fit 500 to be ran on Sunday afternoon. Martin was noticeably happy in the post qualifying press conference. Shortly afterwards though, the old man was not near as happy when he realized that his adult diaper was loaded to the brim. Thankfully his sponsor, Aaron's Rent to Own was willing to rent Martin a shop vac and pressure washer.

Here are your starting picks and points from qualifying.
Brent 48, 55, 51, 29=37
Joe 48, 55, 42, 29=37
Michael 11, 18, 51, 48=33
Freddy 48, 18, 42, 11=33
PT 48, 18, 42, 20=32
Dennis 48, 20, 42, 18=32
Terry 5, 99, 42, 55=30
Neil 5, 99, 42, 48=28
Chuck 11, 18, 42, 20=27
Toby 2, 20, 42, 24=23
Jim 29, 20, 42, 2=21
Norb 11, 18, 42, 99=21

The top 15 in qualifying were: 55, 5, 48, 18, 24, 14, 29, 11, 20, 39, 2, 17, 15, 56, 99.

NASCAR is returning to the scene of the crime. This is the track that started the Clint Bowyer VS Jeff Gordon feud last November. Who can forget Bowyer running down pit row to confront Gordon.

Bowyer was never really able to get to Gordon. So during the offseason, Bowyer committed himself to a fitness routine to help him to be able to catch Jeff Gordon when Gordon least expected it.

First he tried training with Usain Boldt. Bowyer can be seen in row 3. It looks as if he is leading but looks can be deceiving. Bowyer had a 50 meter head start. After finishing dead last in the 100 meter dash, Bowyer thought that maybe he should train for distance instead of speed.

Well that tactic was also unsuccessful. So Bowyer decided he would become a master of disguise.

His first idea was to pose as a large breasted waitress. Fail!

 This may well have been the worst idea. Dress up like an Indian and try to shoot Gordon with an arrow. Unfortunatley, the arrow accidentally hit Dale Jr. in the rear end. Earnhardt mistakenly thought that Bowyer was dressed as cupid and had intentionally hit him with the arrow. Dale Earnhardt is planning a Spring wedding. Bowyer just doesn't know it yet.

In the words of Charlie Daniels, "he may look dumb but that's just a disguise." Bowyer gave up on the disguises. Next he took up boxing. This idea ended badly when it was discovered that Clint Bowyer couldn't beat the crap out of his own underwear.

As you can now see, he is desperate. He isn't fast enough to run and catch Gordon so he is practicing using a tire dolly as a scooter. Good luck Mr. Bowyer. You"re gonna need it!!!